The Longing
by NadiaHart
Summary: Longings come in very different ways, longings for home, for friendship, and for love. Lan and Nynaeve long for each other in manny different ways, the father apart they are then more they long for the other. When they meet what will happen? Read


They re not mine but the plot is well...its really not b/c its in the book i just elaborated on it. lol

**The Longing**

The wheel of time turns and ages come and go. . . . .  
  
Nynaeve stared out of the high white washed stone window of the White Tower, the breeze rippled the curtains and blew her hair back gently. It smelled sweet and clean, crisp after the days of rain she had felt coming for weeks; a sense of clam and peace flowed through her with this new breeze.  
  
She stepped back into her small room everything was white washed clean and had a dull shine from years of waxing and scrubbing. She dragged her finger across the small ivory scrubbed round table that sat in the center of the room and sighed. Lan and Moiraine had returned this morning though she didn't know how long the would be staying here, a few days, a few weeks she bit into her lip and dreaded her last though . . .a few hours. She sighed again and gave herself a shake it was not like her to act this was about a man, no not her and certainly not about some goat-headed, stubborn as an ox, wool brained man! She smiled at herself, "I'd like to box his ears" she said as she stalked towards her bedrooms door and paused with her hand hovering over the doorknob.  
  
She realized that her thoughts had betrayed her and she was thinking what else she would like to do to Lan.  
  
Lan, she became very conscious of the sudden weight of the large ring resting between her breasts. But her thoughts would not stop, Lan and his rippling muscles, Lan and his square jaw, Lan and his powerful legs, Lan. . .Lan and his taught chest, Lan and his broad strong shoulders, she licked her lips and pushed Lan and all his rippling sinewy muscles out of her mind mentally switching herself for such un-pure thoughts. She could hear her teeth grinding as she clamped her hand down on the knob and threw the door back ready to stalk out into the hall, Instead she stalked into what felt like a brick wall, but the wall wrapped its strong arms around the and placed a soft kiss on her head.  
  
Nynaeve's breath caught in her throat and she suppressed the urge to cry. . or shout. . or collapse into his strong supportive eyes. She was not going to let herself fall for him again, not now, not yet, not when she knew that she was just going to catch him up and take him away again.  
  
Nynaeve opened her mouth to speak but He beat her to it,  
  
"You smell wonderful." his voice came out as a soft husky mummer Everything she was going to say seeped slowly out of her ears and she whispered into his massive chest,  
  
"Thank you," then just as suddenly everything she didn't want to say came spilling straight out of her mouth, "Oh Lan" she said her voice shaking on the edge of teats her face was growing hot as she attempted to wrap her arms around him "Oh Lan please. . please don't leave me again, I wrack my brain trying to think of you as safe trying not to. . not to love you, not to dream of you every night, to try to not want to tie you down and keep you safe here with me." she gasped for breath and suddenly realized she was crying rivers into his soft wool shirt and shaking uncontrollably in his arms. "To keep you away from her." she whispered softly  
  
88  
  
Lans' mind was racing's as his horse galloped hard, he didn't care if her drove him into the ground and had to run the rest of the way with Moiraine on his back. Three days they went like this from hours before sun rise to hours after dark, she had no idea why he pushed them so hard and for the first time ever nothing she said or did could make him stop.  
  
It was at the dawn of the forth day that the they reached the white tower gates nearly trampling the people in the outer cities Lan rode his horse straight up to the front gate where he handed the rains to, Abel, a young stable hand. he helped Moiraine down and followed her at an aggravating slow pace to Siuan Sanche's office on the fourth floor. Lan counted the steps trying to keep his mind on the task at hand and not on what or rather who was just two measly floor above him. His heart raced as he thought about her, her soft flaxen skin, dark hair that fell down to her waist, he unconsciously licked his lips and clenched his hands.  
  
"Damn Moiraine for walking so slow, damn her for not releasing me to my own business when we got here." he though furiously.  
  
It was the first time in a long time he actually had to concentrate on keeping his face serene though the tightness in his walk and the clenching of his hands almost gave him away as Moiraine turned to address him, he stilled his thoughts and stillness came to him. . .for the moment.  
"Lan?"

"Yes." Moiraine pursed her lips ever so slightly, "you pushed us here at an unacceptable rate did you realize it?"

He blinked as if it had just then dawned on him how quickly that had arrived, "Yes, I did realize it."

Visible agitation crept into the corners of her mouth and emotion flared in her eyes but her words and actions came as smooth as silk, "May I inquire why we carried such a strenuous pace? or why you have been in distant from me for these past few days and now even more so?"  
  
For one simple second he hesitated his eyes flicking up to the ceiling so fast it was as if her hadn't moved them at all, He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"I knew this would happen. Is your oath failing you Lan?" He began to answer but she again cut him off "This woman is so important to you that you would throw everything away for her?" She turned and reached out for the door knob of Siuan Sanche's office, the shock and utter disbelief etched on his face was acceptable to her, but the dawning realization that he would, that he would give it all up, that came after is what she could not handle.

Her heart pounded in her chest and she knew that the color was rising in her face and sweat was suddenly erupting all over her body. She griped the handle of the door, this much emotion she had never felt; what was wrong with her, she had known, she had prepared , she had trained her emotion's for this moment. The moment when she realized that Lan was no longer hers. It had never bothered her when he took other women to his bed, why now why would it bother her now of all times, when time is the least.

"Because" a small voice said in her head "You knew he didn't love them, he never loved any of them, that is why it never bothered you." As if this wasn't enough it said with a the maliciousness she could ever muster "He _loves _her more then he will ever love you. _**He**_ _loves_ _**her**_!" it echoed in her head and she heard herself sob softly, she realized she was leaning heavily on the door knob and he had his hand on her shoulder and below her elbow.

"Moiraine?" his eyes held concern but his face was etched in stony clam "Moiraine?" he said again, she looked into his eyes, she stared into the "Nothing" she whispered "What do you mean nothing? Moiraine maybe you should rest before this visit?"

She shook her head and his hands off, she calmed her face and her emotions she pushed into the petals of the rosebud, "No nothing is wrong am fine, thank you Lan."

She straightened her shall, fringed blue, around her shoulders and twisted the knob on the door "I release you for the next two days you may come and go as you please, but you will be ready to ride by the dawn of the third, or I will release you from your oath." the words stabbed at her like a knife in the stomach. Her only consolation was the momentary look of hurt that fluttered across his stony face.

He nodded and turned away from her slowly walking away he heard the door slam behind him.

His heart had skipped a beat and he released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. taking the stairs two at a time and then running down the white Accepted halls.  
"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

Lan began counting doors "the last one on the left" he recited from the letter she had sent, it was confusing the way she had written it loving him yelling at him, women were confusing though.

"17"

"18, the last door on the left." he took a breath and before the thought of knocking on the finished crossing his mind it opened and a short woman crashed into his chest.

Lans' heart fluttered into his throat, the feeling he got from seeing her was unlike any feeling any battle or facing any beast could give him. His arms enveloped her before he thought about it he placed a soft kiss on her head. breathing in deeply, this is what held him over the memory of her scent. Like nothing he had ever smelt before it swept all tired or hurt feelings from his mind and muscles. he had hundreds of things he had planed to say to her, recited over and over again in his head. All that came out was

"You smell wonderful" he sighed into her scalp, holding her closer.

Lan felt her give a soft sob as a turret of words flew from her mouth enveloping him, stuffing his ears with cotton and fogging his brain. He suddenly felt as if he was spinning around very very fast and the only thing keeping him on the ground was holding on to the only thing that was real; holding onto Nynaeve.

Nynaeve griped at his shirt. Lan held Nynaeve to his chest. Held her to stay grounded. Held him to stay standing.

Then just as suddenly the floor was gone from beneath her feet and he had lifted her and kissed her. Kissed her with all the passion all the emotion he could muster.

It was as if a door had opened in his mind as the same time one had opened in his heart. All the emotions that he captured and locked away, taught to him in his training fluttered out years of fear and hate and worry and strife, of tears and joy, all released in that one monuments kiss.

When they finally parted Nynaeve gasped for air sagging into his chest, his chest rose slowly up and down, she closed her eyes and listened to his heart beat. A steadier rhythm she couldn't have found, like a war march.

Her mind was clouded and her ears felt as if the were stuffed with cotton every noise but his heart was a buzz.

Lan raised her again and holding her to his chest he walked into her room, placing her on the soft bed he went and drew the curtains.  
  
A small crack between the two heavy curtains provided the only light as it crept in the next morning shining on two sleeping faces.

Nynaeve rose slowly and climbed out of the bed over Lan her shift swaying gently in the morning breeze as she drew the curtains back. She turned and found Lan, his head resting in his palm propped up on his elbow.  
  
"Good morning my heart." He said in his rumbling voice, a soft smile played on his lips as he watched her walk towards him.

Nynaeve placed a soft kiss on his lips and sat on the bed next to his laying form.  
  
"Good morning my soul." turned to put on her Accepted dress "I have a class this morning and chores after lunch" she bit off the word chores as if it was causing her physical pain.

Lan swung he legs over the edge of the bed, Nynaeve blushed he was bear from head to toes, he smiled at her modesty and reached for his under garments.  
"

Nynaeve?" Lan whispered suddenly behind her placing a soft kiss on the crook between her neck and shoulder.

"Yes?" He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him.

"I must leave tomorrow at dawn." He felt her tense in his arms and shut his eyes shaking his head slightly. "I. . I'm sorry I didn't tell you yesterday. I'm sorry. . I love you and I wasn't thinking" she felt her shudder as he said he loved her and tense worse as he continued to try to explain.  
  
"Stop" she croaked meekly "Please I cant take it. I knew you would have to go but I didn't think it would be so soon." she stepped away from him and over to a small shelf in the corner of her room.  
  
Nynaeve brought a small box off the shelf and opened it taking out a small leather pouch, she rubbed it and sniffed softly before handing it to him. she placed her hands on his arms and stood on her toes to kiss him. she walked to the door slowly and turned only her head towards him.  
  
"Please." she had to stop before the emotions that wracked her body completely took her over. "Do not be here when I get back." she turned the knob and opened the door but before she went out she turned her hands flying to his ring safely tucked between her breasts.

"Please Lan, Please come back to me." As he opened his mouth to speak she ran from the room by the time he reached the door all he saw was the back of her dress whip around the corner.  
  
"NYNAEVE PLEASE!" he yelled out the door attracting every Accepted eye's in the hall. He slammed his hand against the wall and dropped his head "come back to me, please don't leave me like this here. . ."  
  
Lan went back into her room and sat on her bed running his palm over the spot where she lade, where they lade together. He punched the bed and let out a long sigh turning the small bag over and over in his large hand. He placed it on he pillow and got dresses lifting his cloak he picked up the small pouch placng it in his pocket and walked out the door.  
  
The wheel of time turns and ages come and go. . . . .


End file.
